I Can't Fix Everything, But I Can Help
by 105ttt
Summary: A Sonadow fic. Shadow notices that Sonic is behaving strangely and decides to check up on him. Upon finding out that Sonic isn't feeling his best, he decides to listen to him vent and consoles him.


Shadow was sitting at the kitchen counter drinking his morning coffee - alone. Normally this wouldn't be an important detail, except for the fact that ever since Sonic had moved into his apartment, Shadow was _never _alone for breakfast. While Sonic loved to sleep, he was usually more likely to be found taking naps on the couch in the middle of the day rather than sleeping in until late in the morning.

Which is why Shadow decided he had better leave his coffee and see what his boyfriend was up to. Last time he checked, Sonic was still asleep when he left the room to make his coffee. He figured today was one of the rare days where he woke up first instead of Sonic (normally Sonic woke Shadow up with kisses all over his face), but he expected Sonic to wake up not long afterward. The fact that he was sleeping longer than usually worried Shadow a bit. _Had Sonic been up late last night?_ Shadow pondered. _He might have been up late video-calling his team while I went to sleep. Yeah. Maybe that's it._

There was nothing to worry about, Shadow was sure of it. Any time now, he'd walk into his bedroom and get a surprise pounce-hug from Sonic, who would be waiting for him to come check up on him. Sonic would say something like, "I knew you couldn't resist checking on me, you dork! You care too much," and Shadow would just laugh and give him a "good morning" hug.

Except when he got there, Sonic was still tucked in under the covers, and when he heard Shadow quietly knock on the door to ask for permission to walk in, he withdrew even more from Shadow's sight.

"Sonic?"

No response.

"Sonic, are you alright?"

Silence.

Shadow wasn't exactly sure what to do. He understood the need for personal space and alone time all too well, but he also didn't want to leave his partner without offering to help. The best he could do, he decided, was approach slowly and talk quietly, and if Sonic asked for him to leave him alone, he'd do so without another word.

Still, this kind of behavior from Sonic was concerning. It wasn't that he never acted like this; Tails and Knuckles had told Shadow before that sometimes Sonic would isolate himself and hide somewhere whenever he was in a really bad mood. He just hoped that whatever was bothering Sonic this much was something he could walk through with him. It troubled Shadow to imagine Sonic lying there the whole day, trapped in a mental web of misery and self-loathing, unable to get up and enjoy himself and the company of his loved ones. The last thing he ever wanted for Sonic was suffering and pain of any kind - and he promised himself that in addition to honoring Maria's dying wish for everyone to be happy, he'd honor his own wish to enrich Sonic's life to the fullest however he could in return for the inspiration, joy, and kindness that Sonic had selflessly given him over the years.

So, Shadow did his best to approach Sonic as slowly as he could. Then, with a quiet whisper, he asked, "Is it alright if I sit down next to you?"

It took a few seconds, but Sonic sighed and finally turned to face Shadow before giving him a small nod. The frown on Sonic's face pierced Shadow's heart with sorrow and pity. He'd only seen Sonic look that desperate and hopeless whenever they'd faced a threat together that required tremendous power to defeat. It was hardly noticeable to most people, but Shadow had caught on quite quickly to the fact that Sonic always experienced a fleeting moment of anxiety when confronting a large foe. Perhaps it was just an instinctual response, for Sonic would instantaneously change his expression from that of fear and worry to that of courage and confidence, but Shadow had witnessed these few brief seconds of despair on Sonic's face before. Remembering all the times he had seen it while the two of them faced off against gods, demons, and monsters, he realized that whatever was bringing Sonic down as he lay in the comfort of his own bed must be serious.

Having made sure it was alright, Shadow slowly sat down on the side of the bed and reached out a hand toward Sonic's cheek. Sonic gave him another small nod, and Shadow replied by gently caressing Sonic's face.

"Can I ask what's bothering you? You seem worried."

"It's stupid."

"No, it's not," Shadow said before grabbing one of Sonic's hands and kissing his palm. "What's wrong?"

"It's stupid. I told you."

"Well, I want to hear it even if it is 'stupid'."

"Shads, I mean it. It's dumb."

"Well, let me hear it."

"... Promise you won't laugh."

"I would never laugh at you at a time like this. You know that."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Sonic mumbled. He retracted his hand from Shadow (who had been gently holding it and rubbing it with his thumb) and buried the side of his face into his pillow. His gaze was fixed on the wall somewhere to Shadow's side. He couldn't look Shadow in the face while he spoke. Shadow understood and gave Sonic time to gather his thoughts while trying his hardest to keep an open, friendly stance (he had a bad habit of crossing his arms while waiting for something, but he didn't want to seem rude or impatient right now).

"I just…" Sonic's voice trailed off as he fully buried his face in his pillow before speaking again. "I was just thinking about the incident that happened a few months ago. Y'know, back when Infinite first rose to power and Eggman used him to kick my butt and imprison me?"

Shadow nodded. He carefully petted Sonic's spines to let him know he was paying attention.

"Well, those 7 months of being imprisoned… kind of got to me. I tried not to let it show too much while the rookie and I were kicking _Eggman's_ butt because we were busy saving the world. Now that things have calmed down, I've started to notice that it's affecting me in lots of ways, and it's harder to hide… And it's not just that. Have you ever noticed that if the rookie hadn't shown up to rescue me, or if I had made a mistake that led to them dying later, or if my younger self hadn't miraculously shown up in our world again at just the right time, the world would have been as good as doomed? There are so many coincidences that led to the Resistance's victory. And all of this conflict could have been avoided if I had just not been so _stupid _and let Infinite knock me out that one time. I was in over my head and rushed in without thinking like I always do. And look where that got me."

"Sonic…"

"It just worries me, Shads. There are so many times I've made a mistake and had to be saved by someone else, even if I only realize it later. I think about what things would be like had things gone slightly different. And it's scary. I feel like the weight of the entire world is on my shoulders sometimes. Everyone is counting on me. And if I let everyone down and they get hurt because of it? I don't think I could handle that. I'm just some selfish, cocky kid who only looks out for himself and thinks he's unstoppable and unbeatable. And yet there I was, locked up for 7 whole months because I let myself be defeated by a friendless loser who hides behind a mask! I just can't stop thinking about it…"

Silence fell over the room again. When Shadow was sure that Sonic had finished talking, he lay down on his side next to him.

"Sonic. Can you look at me for a second?"

Sonic turned his head to face Shadow, only to feel the familiar warmth of Shadow's lips on his. He felt an arm wrap around him and hold him closer, and though the kiss didn't last long, he closed his eyes and returned it as best as he could. When they separated, Shadow kept their faces close and spoke in the gentlest, quietest voice he could muster.

"I understand how you feel. I know you can't exactly help it and that words aren't going to magically make you feel all better, but I want you to know something. I want you to know you are the one who taught me how to be selfless. You aren't selfish. You've done so much for so many people over the years, myself included. And you're not cocky. You're confident in yourself because you understand what you are capable of. You can fight gods. You can save the world from complete annihilation. You can save entire alien races from enslavement. You've done all these things and more. Your self-confidence is well-earned.

"Sometimes bad things happen, and that's outside our control. Fate works in ways we can't tamper with. I understand very well how you feel about letting others down by making mistakes and your worries about if things had gone differently. Sometimes I think about how things would have gone differently on the ARK all those years ago if I had just changed one little thing - if I had avoided being sealed in the pod and pushed Maria out of harm's way at the last second, if I had ran into a different corridor and kept us from running to a dead-end, if I had just decided to take down the G.U.N. soldiers instead of running like a coward… maybe Maria would still be alive."

Shadow gulped. "But we can't change the past. Things happen, and we have to accept them. I know this all too well. Not to make this all about me, but I share this information with you because I want you to know I understand. I understand the fear and the concern and the guilt, but I promise, Sonic. I promise you'll be alright. Things will be alright. You've always done your best, and that's good enough. That's all you can do. And I promise it's enough."

Sonic looked away from Shadow, then wrapped his arm around Shadow as well and pulled him closer.

"Thank you, Shadow."

"Of course."

Sonic's voice grew softer. "Could you… stay here with me for a while? Just until I feel alright enough to get up?"

Shadow nodded and gently kissed him again. "As you wish."

"I love you, Shadow."

"I love you too."


End file.
